I caused quite the stir the other day. I'm relatively "old school" in many areas and one happens to be dating. While I know modern social conventions do not necessitate asking permission to date someone, it is something I think about. My family (father) has raised me to appreciate and understand it. I do not expect anyone else to abide by the same stipulations.
I mentioned this to my fair lady and she found it sweet and honorable. She liked it and was agreeable to the idea. If she said that it wasn't necessary I would not have pursued it any further.
There is history between her, her father, and her family. To put it mildly he has not been the father she or they needed, but somehow he has still remained in their periphery. I spoke to him for a little while yesterday evening. He seemed a little surprised that I wanted to talk to him and more so that it was about dating his daughter.
I believe he understood my position, appreciated it, and knew that I (and her) really didn't need to ask his permission, but wanted to. We are both adults and are responsible for making our own decisions. This seemed more of an avenue to introduce myself to him and open communication with a man that is important, regardless of his history, to a woman I am interested in.
The objections raised seemed to revolve around the term permission and the connotations that it accompanies. 1. Children ask permission from their parents. Employees ask permission from their employers. But adults do not need to ask permission from anyone (within reason). 2. In addition to the above there is the negative impression that asking for permission to date, court, and marry a women devalues her as an individual and is the result of a patriarchal society. This type of society is archaic and no longer relevant in this modern world. It is the old guard and those that follow it are blinded by tradition and prefer women to be kept in the roles they have been for hundreds of years. This also makes women appear as though they are a possession to be traded, bartered, and sold.
From this mindset I'm offended. I'm pissed that my sister has not been given the same advancement opportunities as her male colleagues. I'm frustrated when male gamers ridicule and demean female gamers. Unfortunately, I all too frequently fall into the male dominated mindset. I have used "you throw like a girl" too often to count. I have used feminine terms to describe weakness and insult men. I am as guilty as anyone else in promoting hate.
At some point in life I want to have sons and daughters (well maybe just one of each). I want them to succeed. While I would prefer it to be a respectable career, I want them to have every opportunity to excel. I never want to hear that my daughter cannot do something because she isn't a boy or that she was passed over for a promotion because she wasn't the correct sex.
This is getting a little long winded and preachy. Let me end with this. Those that found or took offense to what I said missed the point of my request. It was for prayer for wisdom. I was nervous. I don't do this regularly and when I do, I do it intentionally.
This was a decision we, as a couple, made. She was ok with it. I didn't manipulate or cajole her into believing the same thing as me. She felt that I was treating her with respect and honor. Her father felt the same way. When the dust settles, I have earned respect from the her and the people most relevant in her life. I have witnessed, first hand, how not making these introductions can hurt a relationship. My desire is to see this through to the end, whether that means I have found my wife or not. I can only do what I feel I am called to do regardless of what friends or family feel. While I understand the criticism, it helped me think through the issue, I would've much more appreciated the prayer.
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