When I was a child I would get very excited on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't want to go to sleep. I'd be up for hours after my bedtime waiting for that day. I'd somehow fall asleep, but would find myself waking up early in the morning out of sheer excitement.
My sister might be up already, but if she wasn't I'd make sure she was. We would head to our parents room to wake them up so we could start Christmas. This may all happen around 5:00 maybe 6:00 if my parents were lucky. We'd have family Christmas and then sometimes take a nap afterwards.
I haven't felt that way in a long time. At some point the need for sleep or the sheer excitement wears off. The excitement over gifts gives way to maturity and the realization that family, friends, and time spent together is more important and valuable than gifts.
I have woken up early, excited for the day for the past 4 days. I know that I will see this woman and I cannot wait until I do. I am that little kid again excited because everyday is Christmas. She found this cute and calls me a dork. She likes that. I like that she likes that. ... too much like...
Ask me two months ago what my perfect day would be and it would revolve around a sunny, 75 degree weather, a gentle breeze, a hammock, and a good book series that I can read. It would probably be along the coast. In one month this has changed. I can think of nothing more than spending time with her. We could be working, but we'd be productive together. It could be the same perfect day before but we'd do it together.
I'm still learning new habits and attempting to kill others. All too often I find myself looking out for yours truly without giving much thought to her. I must become more aware of the situation and recognize these instances before they arise. I have lived the better part of my life ensuring that I am taken care of. I desperately want to take care of her. I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself when I could have easily done something for her that I just did for myself.
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