Somehow, in the grand scheme of life, things happen. You never really know how or why, but they do. I found out the other day that I owe additional money for my education. I received a "free" masters degree, but there were "incidentals." My thought process at the time.
I do not have the money laying around. I took out a loan for more than the cost figuring that it would help me with some other expenses. When I was in undergrad I took out loans too. All of my school related expenses were deducted and any extra was given to me. I assumed that this was how this operated. Mistake.
It has been over a year since those funds were all disbursed. I have since spent them all on various and assorted sundries. And like I was 3 years ago I do not have the money sitting around waiting to be spent.
I'm disappointed this wasn't resolved beforehand. I operated under an improper understanding of how this system works. And the biggest frustration... is with myself.
I constantly feel defeated because of my inability to properly manage finances. I am saddened that once again I owe money and have no means by which I can make a payment. I was beginning to feel that I was making progress only to have something like this creep up and hit me. The consolation, I can have the whole thing fixed/corrected in less than 6 months. The problem, they have given me 15 days to pay them in any way possible.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Girl you are so groovy (borrowed from Penny Arcade)
The messages at church have revolved around marriage for the past couple of weeks. Since marriage is something that has grown on me and I am warming up to these messages hold a special interest for me.
On Mother's Day the message was about friendship. The premise was that your spouse is a good friend. In fact, they are one of your best friends. You enjoy doing things together. You pal around together. You go and do things that one party enjoys and they other goes along because they are a friend. One of the core aspects of a marriage is the ability to be friends.
It made sense to me that this woman I have been dating is indeed a good friend of mine. She is one of my best friends. I enjoy palling around with her. I enjoy doing things with her, not because I enjoy them, but because she does and I am there as a friend. If I were to remove the romantic aspect of our relationship I would be a her friend and she would be mine.
I am very thankful our relationship. I am aware that it is an immense blessing. I love this woman and I am so very thankful that we are friends.
On Mother's Day the message was about friendship. The premise was that your spouse is a good friend. In fact, they are one of your best friends. You enjoy doing things together. You pal around together. You go and do things that one party enjoys and they other goes along because they are a friend. One of the core aspects of a marriage is the ability to be friends.
It made sense to me that this woman I have been dating is indeed a good friend of mine. She is one of my best friends. I enjoy palling around with her. I enjoy doing things with her, not because I enjoy them, but because she does and I am there as a friend. If I were to remove the romantic aspect of our relationship I would be a her friend and she would be mine.
I am very thankful our relationship. I am aware that it is an immense blessing. I love this woman and I am so very thankful that we are friends.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Time keeps on slipping, into the future
I am enamored with time at the moment. I want more time. I need more time. I want it to stop for everyone but me. I want to control it; to spend it with the people whom I care immensely for.
We did a funny thing when we first started dating. We'd ask each other random, fun questions. One of these questions was, "what super power would I want?" I told her I wanted the ability to control time. In my 30+ years of living there are many times I would want to change small, somewhat insignificant aspects of my life. I don't want to go back in time and cure my mothers' cancer, but I would want to go back and tell her I loved her one last time.
I wouldn't want to say, "do this or do that" to myself, but I would want to make sure that I remember those times I lived. And that is all the past.
My future looks very promising, but I'd want to slow down time with her; to make it last.
My uncle passed away a couple of weeks ago. I was the only representative from my mothers' side of the family. Neither my father, nor my sister were able to attend the memorial and internment.
He was a large fellow. I remember he came to visit a couple times when I was growing up and would stay in my room because my box spring and mattress was on the floor. He wouldn't always bath often or properly due to his size. He lived larger than life. He didn't take crap from the world and typically that was what he gave back to it. That is my memory of the man. That is the impression he left on me as I grew up.
A couple of years ago he came up to his mothers' 90th birthday party. He had health issues and lost a considerable amount of weight. He was still tall, but thinner (not the good kind of thin). I saw him interact with my cousins and me and he would call me a, "dumb-ass" if the situation warranted it. He picked on us boys, but the moment my sister entered the room he would immediately take notice of her and on one hand call us fools and the other be the most respectful and polite individual one could imagine.
See he loved my birth mother. My sister is similar to her in many respects. I found it interesting to see the change come over him and the power a woman can have on a "rough and tumble" man. As we left the party I hugged him and told him I loved him. He didn't know what to make of it. I don't think he's ever been told that by his son or nephews. He stammered something out that I don't remember. My sister did the same, but it was different.
At his memorial service many people spoke about him. The overwhelming comment was he was a good, dependable, giving friend. He offered of himself anything that was at his disposal. Stories of fixing swing sets for neighbors, rebuilding stairs in and out of houses. This giving of himself seems to define him. It is who he will be remembered for (Along with some humorous elements.)
What will I be remembered for?
We did a funny thing when we first started dating. We'd ask each other random, fun questions. One of these questions was, "what super power would I want?" I told her I wanted the ability to control time. In my 30+ years of living there are many times I would want to change small, somewhat insignificant aspects of my life. I don't want to go back in time and cure my mothers' cancer, but I would want to go back and tell her I loved her one last time.
I wouldn't want to say, "do this or do that" to myself, but I would want to make sure that I remember those times I lived. And that is all the past.
My future looks very promising, but I'd want to slow down time with her; to make it last.
My uncle passed away a couple of weeks ago. I was the only representative from my mothers' side of the family. Neither my father, nor my sister were able to attend the memorial and internment.
He was a large fellow. I remember he came to visit a couple times when I was growing up and would stay in my room because my box spring and mattress was on the floor. He wouldn't always bath often or properly due to his size. He lived larger than life. He didn't take crap from the world and typically that was what he gave back to it. That is my memory of the man. That is the impression he left on me as I grew up.
A couple of years ago he came up to his mothers' 90th birthday party. He had health issues and lost a considerable amount of weight. He was still tall, but thinner (not the good kind of thin). I saw him interact with my cousins and me and he would call me a, "dumb-ass" if the situation warranted it. He picked on us boys, but the moment my sister entered the room he would immediately take notice of her and on one hand call us fools and the other be the most respectful and polite individual one could imagine.
See he loved my birth mother. My sister is similar to her in many respects. I found it interesting to see the change come over him and the power a woman can have on a "rough and tumble" man. As we left the party I hugged him and told him I loved him. He didn't know what to make of it. I don't think he's ever been told that by his son or nephews. He stammered something out that I don't remember. My sister did the same, but it was different.
At his memorial service many people spoke about him. The overwhelming comment was he was a good, dependable, giving friend. He offered of himself anything that was at his disposal. Stories of fixing swing sets for neighbors, rebuilding stairs in and out of houses. This giving of himself seems to define him. It is who he will be remembered for (Along with some humorous elements.)
What will I be remembered for?
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