Dating a family

I have always held the belief that families are important to a relationship. In all of the women I have pursued (and there aren't many) I have always attempted to build relationships with their families too. My girl finds that aspect of me very attractive. Her family is important to her. If I didn't like her family or they did not like me then it would be a cause for concern in the relationship.

I suspect this is not a popular mindset. What factor should a family play in the relationship between two individuals? They are both adults and can make their own decisions. It does not rest with the family. If the couple loves each other then what their families think should be of little to no importance.

I may not have had in-laws nearby growing up, but that does not mean family isn't important to me. I have witnessed first-hand the problems that arise when a family is torn due to a couple ignoring parents, siblings, and the like. It is painful to witness, let alone be a party to the situation.

I understand the desire to chart ones own path through life, but I feel that independence has been pushed to such an extreme that advice, counsel, and community is no longer seen to carry much, if any, weight. I can understand why that belief is prevalent. I know that the divorce rate is reaching 50% for first time marriages. Why would someone feel that a family could bring anything of value to a relationship when they may have no idea how to successfully endure one.

There are exceptions to this. I have the example of a family who lost a parent and saw the remaining one wither for six years until another remarkable partner appeared. One marriage of 16 years and now one for over 13 years. I can think of no one better suited to provide advice than someone who is happily married twice for over 13 years with no signs of stopping. I know it would be 33 years had the tragedy of life not interfered. This is why I hold out hope that families are important to a lasting relationship. Mine has been instrumental in two and I feel that both of ours will be for another one.

I miss your fragrance, sometimes I miss it so much that I can clearly smell you in the air.

I did not have allergies growing up. I was allergic to things, but never animals or nature. Sometime during college I began to get dry eyes, sore throats, and stuff noses. I somehow became allergic to this world. I have functionally lived like this for years. I should probably have this checked out. This should give you some idea of my olfactory status. I can still smell, but it must be very close and quickly passes.

It surprises me that one of the first lingering aspects of another human is their smell. It stays with you. It becomes a sign of their presence and you miss it when it is gone. I remember stories of spouses who have lost "their better half" and their smell is the last vestige of their presence. They keep their clothes because it carries their scent. They refuse to wash bedding because it smells like them. The very real feeling exists that if they are able to keep that smell then their partner is never really gone.

Like memories, smells begin to fade after a while and they are eventually replaced with new scents. But sometimes a smell is carried on the breeze and for a brief moment you are reminded on them.

I love how this woman smells. It is sweet and unique to her. She has gone swimming and her smell remains. I hold her close, close my eyes, and enjoy her perfume. It lingers in my truck after she is gone. I smell something on the air and believe her to be nearby. "Sometimes I miss it so much I can clearly smell it in the air." And the funny part of this story is that this feeling works both ways. She loves the way I smell. It lingers well after I have left. It brings comfort while she sleeps, hope to see me again, and joy when I am present.

I love how she smells. She loves how I smell.

The Plague

I acquired a summer flu like people acquire bad habits or a missing limb; they do not want it, but it happens. I live with a perpetual raw throat. I have chalked it up to allergies. It took a turn for the worse when I spent two evenings with a wonderful woman outside. These late summer nights have been beautiful; cool with a breeze. The combination seemed to have been good for something else too.

I have been convalescing for the past two and a half days. She visited me each evening. She brought comfort, Kleenex's, and juice. She has been wonderful; like an angel bringing encouragement and strength to the weary.

We are progressing steadily towards two months together. We have spent a good deal of time together, so much so, that it feels much longer than the less than two months it actually has been. I am perfectly content holding her, looking into her eyes, or simply being in her presence listening to the sounds of nature.

I had put together some thoughts regarding woman and what I was looking for in them. There were only a handful of characteristics that I was interested in. I feel rather vain in listing them because few of them were inner qualities that are truly valuable.

I want to marry someone who has brothers and sisters; a large family. I wasn't denied this attribute as I grew up with many friends and was adopted into their family as a son. I saw my friends siblings as my own, but it was something I was interested in. She is sociable, able to navigate within family structures and gets along with a variety of people. Children of large families are also fairly accommodating of different personalities. This leads to someone who is fun to be around, creative, and happy with simple things.

I wanted her to be a cute or attractive crier. I'm not sure where this idea came from, but I wanted her to cry and still be attractive to me. Crying is often associated with weakness, but that is not always the case. There is a heart aspect to this that I hadn't considered before. I feel that it indicates someone with a heart. They show empathy with others and situations and they understand hurt, pain, and joy in this world. I find this attractive in a person as it means they are human and share their humanity with others.

I wanted her to sing. I love singing. I love listening to people sing. I love the idea of hearing a song or music and thinking of her. I love hearing it from another room and I love singing along. Singing carries with it beauty, the ability to make something from nothing, but, at least for me, there a subtle vulnerability. Do I sing well? Do they like it? I have a very limited range and only a handful of songs I feel comfortable singing and I tend to sing them a certain way.

I want her to be educated. I want someone who will be a peer to me. She must be able to challenge me both spiritually and academically. She must have a "good head on her shoulders." This doesn't mean she must have a college degree or pursue an advanced degree. Wisdom can take many forms. I know people who are brilliant academically and inept worldly and vice-versa. Both of my parents were educated and it has been something they encouraged me to pursue from a very young age.

I guess I'm less ashamed of these than I was at the beginning. Expanding upon them gives them more substance and a better appeal. The ability to accept and live with others, the ability to empathize and find joy with others, the ability to share it with others, and all done in an intelligent manner are all incredibly attractive qualities to me.

She is one of six children and has four or five aunts and uncles with lots of cousins (a large family). She gets emotionally involved in books, movies, and touching stories (she cries). She loves performing and constantly has a song on her heart (she loves to sing). She will graduate this coming May and wants to pursue an advanced degree or two (is educated). She meets these four attributes and I am very much attracted to her.

* - The inevitable post script. There was one last attribute that I neglected to mention previously. I have grown up in a religious household. It is something that is important to me. I don't like the "beat you over the head with the Bible" mindset, though I do believe in a good deal of it. (A side note, I would much rather build a relationship with someone and allow for avenues of discussion than have no relationship and attempt to "prove my viewpoint right.") If religion were not a part of her life I would more than likely not be interested in her. It isn't a bad thing, just merely a passing interest.

She has a passion for God that is contagious. I'm of the mindset that God desires a relationship with you and he will do almost anything to be with you. He has used the relationship I have with this woman to get to know me again. This isn't the first time it has worked this way and though I am hoping it will be the last. :)

A chapter closes and another begins

I have been working towards my masters' degree for the past two years. I am shocked, surprised, and astonished that it has been that long. It honestly feels like it was yesterday that I began.

We were given three months for this project. The first two months were part A and the objective was to complete the first 2-3 sections of the project. There were official classes and additional homework. The final month consisted of individual meetings with the instructor to answer questions and ensure that progress was being made.

I avoided this project like the plague for the first two months. I couldn't focus, concentrate, or put anything down on paper. Over the past month I spent a good deal of my time buckling down and completing this project. It was turned in this week and I am officially, 100%, finished with my program.

Those simple words do little justice to actually give you what occurred in the background. I was struggling, lost, and could not find my way out of this project. A month ago a woman said, "yes" and she provided encouragement, focus, incentives, and faith in me that I would complete this sizable assignment. I remember praying for help. I was floundering. God answered my prayer in the most unusual manner I have ever seen.

If I was asked three months ago if I could see myself beginning a relationship while I still had my project due I would've laughed at you and called that foolish. Yet, that is exactly what happened and somehow we both managed it. I desperately want to return the favor. She has one more year left of school and has the goal of being on the Dean's List for two more semesters. I am making it my goal/priority for her to succeed. I pray now that I am nothing but encouragement, help, and strength as she finishes up her last year of school.

She has a saying called, "a safety pin" moment. The story goes that a friend needed a safety pin and they were unable to find one through the traditional means. As they were about to give up they saw one laying on the ground a couple of feet from where they were standing. It is a cute way of saying that God somehow provides.

She is my safety pin moment. God provided a way. Historically this would entail an increased desire to focus, the ability to work diligently and complete the project. But, knowing that I needed to get going, it wasn't happening. I needed something or someone to kick my butt and give me that push to carry on. He changed strategies on me and put someone in my life whom I wanted to work for.

I felt my friend summed it up best, "Is she your girlfriend or an elaborate social experiment by your profs to get your homework done? ;)" To answer this, she is my girl. I am her man. We go on dates. Yeah I kind of like her... a lot.

Like Christmas morning

When I was a child I would get very excited on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't want to go to sleep. I'd be up for hours after my bedtime waiting for that day. I'd somehow fall asleep, but would find myself waking up early in the morning out of sheer excitement.

My sister might be up already, but if she wasn't I'd make sure she was. We would head to our parents room to wake them up so we could start Christmas. This may all happen around 5:00 maybe 6:00 if my parents were lucky. We'd have family Christmas and then sometimes take a nap afterwards.

I haven't felt that way in a long time. At some point the need for sleep or the sheer excitement wears off. The excitement over gifts gives way to maturity and the realization that family, friends, and time spent together is more important and valuable than gifts.

I have woken up early, excited for the day for the past 4 days. I know that I will see this woman and I cannot wait until I do. I am that little kid again excited because everyday is Christmas. She found this cute and calls me a dork. She likes that. I like that she likes that. ... too much like...

Ask me two months ago what my perfect day would be and it would revolve around a sunny, 75 degree weather, a gentle breeze, a hammock, and a good book series that I can read. It would probably be along the coast. In one month this has changed. I can think of nothing more than spending time with her. We could be working, but we'd be productive together. It could be the same perfect day before but we'd do it together.

I'm still learning new habits and attempting to kill others. All too often I find myself looking out for yours truly without giving much thought to her. I must become more aware of the situation and recognize these instances before they arise. I have lived the better part of my life ensuring that I am taken care of. I desperately want to take care of her. I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself when I could have easily done something for her that I just did for myself.

When the mind begins to travel where the heart dares to tread

I find myself thinking. I'm glad that I do. It helps me to know that I am still alive. My mind may often wander very far away. Yesterday it made a realization I was not wanting to make and it was very hard for me to continue with the process. You might say that it went the opposite of far away, it hit so very close to home.

I tend to present a rather calm demeanor. Someone who is not prone to fits of excitement and jubilee. While that may be how I come across to people, there is someone or something raging within me. They are screaming and yelling. At this moment it is in joy. This woman is amazing. I have spent 30 years wandering this Earth and I never thought I would find someone like her. She is sweet, beautiful, intelligent, caring, and thoughtful. Everything inside me wants to yell from the rooftops that I love this woman, but I can't. I must be patient. That may be where we end up, but for now I must let this relationship progress at its own pace.

And this is where the thought began. I am 30 years old. I have been patient and waited for this moment, this time to pursue a woman. She is 21. Her life is still very much ahead of her. She can be patient and wait. I feel a sense of urgency, she is not burdened by that same feeling. This is where I am and either I must slow down and continue to be patient or she must speed up and be impatient. I am realizing that we are at two different points in life. They are not mutually exclusive and they aren't irreconcilable, but they do complicate the relationship.

How long can I, should I wait for her? How fast can she progress? Is it fair of me to ask her to move to a place where she may not be ready for? Am I fooling myself with this relationship? Am I being fair to her?

The sense of sorrow and sadness that washed over me with these thoughts drained my energy. It literally sapped the life from me yesterday. Somehow I managed to not collapse into a balling mess on the floor. I retreated to the only things I know that bring me comfort. I prayed that God would take away the sadness as I was unable to handle it at the time. I began to sing and played a little bit on the guitar. My strength slowly returned, but it demonstrated to me just how frail and lacking in strength I really am.

We have not even been seeing each other for a month and she has such an effect on me. I feared this; This woman who comes into my life; who is charming, sweet, and interested in me. I prayed that God would shield my heart because I am all too willing to give it to her.

She sang just for me

Acapella, "I love you Lord." I loved it and sang along.

She asked me to sing. I sang, "You have redeemed my soul." She wasn't familiar with it and just listened.

I love that she sings.

"I like holding you." He said.
"I like being held." She said.