She left this weekend. A friend has a special event and she wanted to be there with them. I saw her Friday evening, Saturday for lunch, and Sunday night. ... ...
I hear the question be asked, "what is the problem, you saw her every day this weekend." In the intermediate period between Saturday lunch and Sunday night she drove 2.5 hours away. I missed her. She missed me. My heart ached and was sad because she wasn't nearby. My mind informed me that she was only a couple hours away and you still saw her everyday this weekend.
It was a new, different feeling. I can't say that I have ever experienced anything like that before. I'm thankful for my mind otherwise I might've been some love-sick boy pining after his girl all day until she returned to me. My mind countered my heart.
Beyond that it offered some simple logic to the equation. The last time we were separated we were just beginning to date. We still communicated, but the emotional connections that had been made over the past 3 months were not as developed as they are now. We were not in love with each other at the time. We liked each other and enjoyed each others company. I can't help but chuckle at this change in me.
Happiness is a weird concept for me. Until recently (read the past couple of months) I would rarely say I was happy, though I would classify myself as content. I am realizing more and more that happiness found in people, places, or things really is fleeting. I make these observations because of my roommate.
There was a woman he was interested in. She was a nice lady; smart, intelligent, educated, and attractive. They spent a couple months getting to know each other and hanging out. He finally indicated that he was interested in her. She took her time, and I don't know the full story, but appears to not be interested in him in a like manner.
I don't say this often, but I do love and care for him. We have spent 5 years living together. He is like a brother to me. I want to see him happy. I shared some of that with him and it wasn't until I heard his response that something hit me. He spends his time, money, and energy seeking happiness in things that are fleeting. He strives to be the best employee and worker he can be and then work "laterally" moves him to another position. (He truly is a good, dependable, reliable, employee; honestly better than me.) He seeks happiness in being a good friend. He is cherishes friendships, and goes out of his way to be available to friends; but then friends hurt him, move away, or leave him by the wayside. He desires marriage and yet has been engaged and broken up twice. He attempts to find happiness is material belongings and "nice things" and yet they break, require maintenance, or rarely bring the solace he is looking for.
I saw all this, having witnessed it first hand. He strives for happiness and yet it eludes him at every destination. The platitude of "seek happiness in Jesus" feels like it would fit, but it sounds so foolish to say, and even more difficult to share. I'm not a person who could say that to him and feel like I am reaching him, being taken seriously, or even have it given serious thought.
I care for this man as though he were my brother. He has grown on me (and hopefully I have grown on him). I value his friendship and his advice. I want him to be happy. I want him to find happiness that is permanent.
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